


Five Times Kaidan Alenko was Rejected.... and One Time He Wasn't

by soldiermom1973



Series: 1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [35]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect - Various Authors, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Other, Possible Spoilers, Shenko - Freeform, did I do this right?, kind of angst, kind of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:01:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiermom1973/pseuds/soldiermom1973
Summary: For the MEFFW Valentine's event - Conversation Hearts.  Today's prompt was Unrequited love/Angst day.  This story isn't really angsty, but it's been in the back of my head for a while.I've never written a story like this - so many times someone did/didn't do something and one time they didn't/did.  Hopefully I did it right.Also - HEAVY SPOILER ALERT if you haven't read the main story for 1,000 Years.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Allie Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: 1,000 years (A Reconciliation Story) [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1460416
Kudos: 7





	Five Times Kaidan Alenko was Rejected.... and One Time He Wasn't

**Author's Note:**

> For the MEFFW Valentine's event - Conversation Hearts. Today's prompt was Unrequited love/Angst day. This story isn't really angsty, but it's been in the back of my head for a while.
> 
> I've never written a story like this - so many times someone did/didn't do something and one time they didn't/did. Hopefully I did it right.
> 
> Also - HEAVY SPOILER ALERT if you haven't read the main story for 1,000 Years.

**The Last One Standing**

When you're a little kid, not getting picked for things always hurt. It didn't matter if there was a good reason or if your parents said you were still good or special. Kaidan was lucky to never have had that problem, at least not until his biotics manifested. He went from being the first kid picked for kickball and soccer to being the last. Even the friends he had as long as his child brain could remember turned on him. The opposing team always accused him of cheating and the team he played for just didn't bother to include him. His parents tried finding sports and martial arts and other things that would help him bolster his self-esteem, but Kaidan knew from the start that he had become a freak and would probably always be an outsider.

**BAaT**

Kaidan's dad knew the Alliance would come looking for his son some day. He hadn't spent all that time in the military thinking everything would come up roses. So little was known about human biotics that the human organization was scooping up every kid they could to train (read: study) them. He spent a few years trying to teach Kaidan some things himself, building his son up for the inevitable visit that would separate their family for a long time, if not forever.

When the day came that the men in blue dress uniforms knocked on the door, Kaidan knew what to expect... or so he thought. His dad foolishly believed the Alliance would go easy on the kids, taking into account their youth and inexperience. Kaidan quickly learned otherwise but the trauma of the daily abuse and torture they all went through was made a little easier by the fact he made some good friends... and had fallen in love.

When Vyrnnus attacked Rahna, Kaidan couldn't help himself. Rahna was the sweetest person he knew and the least deserving of the turian's wrath. The young man literally saw red when he rose to defend the girl who had his heart and when things finally settled down, that heart was in pieces. Rahna wouldn't even look at him, much less let him say goodbye. It was the worst kind of rejection – the person you love punishing you for doing what you thought was right.

Mulling over the events at brain camp while sharing a beer with his dad, Kaidan looked to the sky, watching as Alliance ships flew back and forth overhead. He knew where he needed to be and that to get there, he'd have to start bottling everything up. He wouldn't let the pain of Rahna's dismissal happen again.

**ICT**

Kaidan excelled wherever the Alliance sent him. He poured his heart and soul into becoming the best soldier he could be. He physical training scores were off the chart. His marksmanship was in the top 1% of his unit. His biotics were stronger than those of anyone he'd ever been stationed with. Each and every one of his commendations suggested he, and the Alliance, would benefit from additional schools and training.

So when Kaidan found out he'd been put forward for the coveted ICT program, he expected to get accepted. He had half a dozen letters of recommendation in addition to the accolades that filled his personnel file. He didn't boast about it, or let anything go to his head. There was a fine line between confidence and ego and Kaidan was very good at toeing that line. Still, when the notice came down from his 1SG that his application had been denied, he was shocked. He sat heavily in the chair in front of his senior NCO, barely listening as the woman explained he could re-apply in a year or so if he wanted.

“No, Top,” his response was dull and flat, “I think I'll just focus on what I have here."

**Sanity Check**

Things between Kaidan and Allie had been rough. He knew he'd hurt her – based on their conversation while he was still in the hospital after his beating on Mars, Horizon was a scabbed-over wound that hadn't fully healed and Mars was a fresh, deep cut. During the coup, when Udina accused her of being with Cerberus, his quick glance at the human Councilor was perceived as doubt and he was afraid he'd hurt her yet again, a fear confirmed when he watched pain flicker across her face.

Still, they talked things out and she welcomed him back on the Normandy. The talked and joked around at first and things seemed to be going well. Hell, there was even some mild flirting and everyone was of the opinion that history was repeating itself. Their friends would constantly joke about how they should 'just get a room already'. So he invited her to lunch, wanting to confess how he still loved her and how he hoped they could be together again.

Her answer wasn't what he expected and it was hard for him to keep his heartache from spilling over to the rest of their meal. Things became awkward and tense and the rest of his time on the Normandy was spent kicking himself in the ass for hurting the person he loved more than anything else in the galaxy.

**Liam**

Kaidan and Liam started dating about six years after the war ended. They met through a mutual friend and hit it off immediately. Things progressed quickly – only a few months passed from their first date to them practically living together, throwing the 'L' word around like nobody's business. It was the happiest Kaidan had been in some time and the people around him knew it. He had a bounce in his step and a glow on his face his friends hadn't seen since the war ended.

So he was surprised one night after an Alliance black-tie event when Liam sat him down and said they needed to talk.

“I don't think this is going to work,” he said quietly.

“What? Why? I thought things were going well! I love you, we love each other. Liam, where is this coming from?” Kaidan could feel his heart drop into his stomach. Any of his previous relationships in the past six or seven years ended on his terms and usually because he was comparing them to Allie. It was an impossible bar for anyone to measure up to, but he hadn't felt the need for that comparison with Liam.

“Kaidan, you still aren't over her. You're still in love with her and I can't compete with a ghost. Especially not the ghost of Allie Shepard.”

“Liam, I'm over her...”

“No, you aren't.” A sad smile spread across the other man's face and he reached out to caress Kaidan's cheek. “I've seen the way you look at her when you take me with you to these things. You get this look on your face...” He sighed and shook his head. “I don't doubt you love me, Kaidan, but until you can finally get Colonel Shepard out of your heart, you're never going to be happy.”

Kaidan's shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes. He thought back to the night's events, how he couldn't keep his eyes off Allie as she glided around the room, smiling and talking to the Alliance brass. He caught her look at him a few times and quickly averted his gaze, but he realized that when he was watching Allie, he'd been oblivious to everything else going on around him. Several times, Liam had to snap him back to reality.

“I'm sorry, Liam. I do love you...”

“I know and I don't want us to end on bad terms. I'm ok with staying friends if you are.”

“Sure,” Kaidan nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I'll try not to make it awkward.”

Liam chuckled, patted Kaidan's leg, then saw himself out of the apartment. Kaidan sighed, dragged his hand down his face, and wondered what the hell he was going to do. Almost eight years and Allie Shepard still had his heart in a vise grip.

**Sanity Check II**

Kaidan showed up at Apollo's well ahead of schedule. He suggested meeting at 1300, but he knew she'd be there by 1230, so he showed up at noon. He was happy the café still had the same table they'd sat at all those years ago; he only hoped it wouldn't be bad luck to sit there again.

He was seldom nervous, but as soon as he got comfortable, his leg started bouncing. He leaned forward and folded his hands together, trying to concentrate on getting his heart rate under control. The last several months with Allie had been good, but there still seemed to be this unresolved tension between them. He'd vowed to talk to her on her birthday – a goal that was half accomplished when he convinced her to stay the night. When he woke up and found she'd left, he hurried after her, relieved to see she was still in his apartment, but hurt she was trying to sneak out.

That night was a breakthrough and gave him the courage he finally needed to lay his cards on the table. He was still in love with Allie Shepard and had been for years and based on the way things had gone over the past week, he was pretty sure she felt the same. Still, that notion did little to soothe the tremor in his hands and the agitated bounce in his leg.

His mind raced with what he wanted to say and soon he was talking to himself, hand gestures and all. The server, a soft-spoken salarian with a kind voice, kept checking on him. When he figured out who Kaidan was, he put two and two together and kept assuring Kaidan things would be fine. Kaidan hadn't even noticed Allie arrived until she pulled out a chair and sat next to him.

They talked and it was everything Kaidan had hoped for. After everything he'd put her through, all the times he doubted her and broke her heart, _she_ was apologizing to _him_. And most importantly...

She still loved him and she wanted to be with him.

Kaidan's heart soared and Allie's affirmation was more than enough to make up for everything he'd been through – the rejections, the heartbreak... he knew he'd go through it all again if it meant that, in the end, he'd finally get to hold the woman of his dreams again.

**Author's Note:**

> 1SG - First Sergeant  
> Top - common slang term for a 1SG


End file.
